Stereotypes and how to not beat them

I think we can all agree that, with the exception of all English ones, stereotypes are very funny things indeed. The image of an overweight, bearded man clad in lederhosen with a beer in one hand and a sausage on a fork in the other while chanting in something vaguely resembling a language would cause most of us to burst out in hearty guffaws and affirmations of “that’s Jerry!”

Stereotypes are a prime example of something I’ve always firmly believed in: “if it’s not offensive, it’s probably not funny”. The herzblut of good international relationships is on the one hand the ability to ridicule your neighbour’s culture (the potency of which usually in direct proportion to number of alcohol units per mL of blood) with your fellow compatriots, and on the other hand the grudging respect to admit to yourself that they do make fine cheese or have cool moustaches or whatever, and compliment them for that.

I like stereotypes. I’m not racist enough to think that most people fit them (except for in the case of suave, mysterious Englishmen who all talk like James Bond and suffer from chronic satyriasis), but at the same time I’m also not hippy enough to deny that there are quite a few people out there who do fit those stereotypes. You know who you are, Hans.


I think exposing people to stereotype clichés is a pretty good starting point for learning about other people’s culture too. I mean, imagine you had to tell someone about Indians and their culture, someone who had not an inkling of what an “Indian” was or whether or not they could eat one; for the sake of this argument, let’s say an Eskimo from the planet Mars. If you try to explain all about them in the...*shudder* “PC way”, you’re only gonna confuse them as to where the differences lay between them and us (and let’s not pretend that’s a racist statement). Saying things like “Indians are just like us, except with a darker complexion, although they come in loads of different races and ethnicities actually; also they live in India, a country which Britain used to rule, and so over the centuries both cultures have intertwined like the fingers of like two primary school children discovering the fuzzy feelings in their tummies for the time, etc etc” – it’s needless.

You can play on stereotypes without being offensive because you’re talking about traditional culture and that’s more often than not where stereotypes stem from. That and rape statistics *cough*. But there’s nothing wrong with telling people that they’re the brown-skinned natives of India, most of whom adhere to Hinduism and revere cows, or about the bindi (little spot on the forehead), half-naked tribal dances, dome-like architecture and families with truckloads of kids. You make things a lot more interesting that way, and besides, any intelligent person will already know that’s it only a small percentage of people (particularly the country bumpkins – oops!)* who fit the total stereotype like Cinderella’s slipper.


But then, like father with two children and only enough money to take one on holiday with him, we come to a problem. Some countries just don’t have stereotypes. Countries who haven’t invented anything remarkable enough so that we all associate them with the electric vibrator, not infamous enough for us to portray them as austere, soulless beings, and not big enough for us to care about them.

Countries like these make me angry, and so with a globe in one hand, a mouse in the other, and deviant, sleep-deprived mind acting as a malicious driving force, I sought to purge a few of them of their blissful anonymity. Let this be a lesson to the rest of you.

Luxembourg: Okay, this kinda sounds like “Sucks-‘em-bad”, so I’m thinking this is a country full of prostitutes that France and Germany occasionally visit when their wives aren’t looking. Sucks-‘em-badders take it deep!!

Faroe Islands: These people toil around a river all day and worship Tutankhamen. Millennia of warring with neighbouring tribes has made them distrustful of foreigners and so the gates to their settlements are guarded by hulking, 7 foot tall sentinels, specifically chosen from birth to serve the current ruler and protect the people.

Eritrea: This country is home to anomalously hairy folk who spend most of their time playing the piano and cart wheeling to their next destination. Known to have a considerably high IQ, an insatiable lust for moss and a hilarious, but unnecessary, tendency to lick the ears of passersby.

Chechnya: The small, ewok-like creatures of this unrecognised state are locked in an ongoing war with the Imperial Stormtroopers to the north, comprising multiple skirmishes in the Chechnyan heartlands. Have been noted by numerous sources to live in cities built entirely in the treetops, and to be wary, but approachable, people.

In retrospect, this list looks more like a bestiary than a list of tongue-in-cheek pseudo-stereotypes. Well what the hell, I’ve vented and I feel a lot better for it anyway.

It’s worth noting that whereas racism is the malformed baby born from the womb of malevolence – the lovechild of Mr. Illogical Fear and his mistress Domina Contempt – stereotypes are not a direct manifestation of racism. Ignorance maybe, but just because you’re making a joke about something or someone doesn’t mean you hate it. I love foreign people, some people would say too much, but I don’t allow my little xenophilic fetish to get in the way of what really matters – making fun of other people to make yourself feel bigger. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a find a nerd to pick on.

Holy shit, one more post about race and I get my BNP membership card!